"I swore like a sailor throughout the entire baking process because my kitchen has no counter space and my mixer smells like smoke every time I try to cream butter and sugar. Here are your damn cookies, damn it."
"This took way longer to make than it should have because I am an incompetent who brings shame upon my mother and grandmother."
"I have never made this before and cutting myself a sample would ruin the look, but it smelled okay while baking and that is why I'm feeding it to you. Enjoy it or you will hurt my feelings."
"I dropped five of the apples that went into this pie. I rinsed most of them afterwards."
"I accidentally added an entire extra stick of butter. Enjoy this heart attack on a plate."
"I ran out of the proper ingredients halfway through, so we're all going to pray that the substitutions I Googled worked out."
"I can't keep butter at room temperature because of my house's heating and fluctuations, so forget ever following any baking advice ever."
"I gave myself no time to make this and the baking process was so stressful that now I have no appetite and don't ever want to smell this dessert again. Take it! Take it from me!"
"Someday I will buy the proper equipment to make this for real."
"This tastes delicious, so I am going to upload a grainy picture of this baked good in all of its ill-decorated glory."
